Knuckle Sammich

Not quite sure what he did, but X came home from daycare a while back with a busted paw. He tore it up pretty good. Miss Tiv, his teacher, said that despite the fact that he bled all over the dang place, Xavier was pretty nonchalant about the wound. Immediate reaction: scan the faces over every other kid in his daycare class. Boys? ...clean, no wounds. Girls?(fingers crossed) ... clean, no wounds(thank God). Admittedly, on the exterior I was pretty cool about the situation, taking the 'proud father of a tough kid' stance.



Fig. A - Scabby knuckles


Or at least that was the case until Xavier reopened his wounds trying to tunnel out of his enclosure to get more delicious cheddar goldfish. He began broadcasting a sort of manic, desperate cry (not a pain cry, but a Xavier immense hunger cry) while flinging his arms wildly about. This achieved the same end result as the time in college when I stuck my hand in an blender that was turned on. Yup. Blood splatters just about everywhere. It was like watching an episode of Dexter. Seriously, it was like the kid was spraying a hose connected to a bloodmobile. At first, I didn't even realize that he had only reopened his prior wounds. For your enjoyment, my thought process is below.


First thought: So, this is how it ends. Hilary's gonna kill me.
Second thought: Keep him still, find the injury! Impossible! He squirms so well!
Realization: This is all from tearing off his scabs! What?!
Action: To the bathtub!

And the rest was just playing in the tub. Lots of laughing and splashing. But wait...

Third thought: How in the hell do I explain all that blood?!

And then the rest was just cleaning. Lots of fast cleaning. And for the record, I can band-aid a squirmy kid like a BOSS. Finally a use for all those crummy, ridiculously small band-aids that are left over in the variety box!


Fig B - Healing begins anew (48 hrs after re-aggravating wound)

Fresh First Haircut

It was inevitable. We couldn't let him go through life without ever getting his hair did. Thank you kind lady at Cookie Cutters, you were a delight.


Fig.1 Dirty Hippie Hair, front.



Fig.2 Dirty Hippie Hair, side-rear



"So is this thing manual or... oh, there's the shifter."



"All right, let's go!"



"Hey wait, my cape is backwards."



"Just take off about a... yeah, that looks good."



"Even up the back please."



"Mind the ears please. When your finished, just glob a bunch of brill cream or pomade on top and yank it back."



"Niiiice. All greased up and ready to roll. Say, anybody see my smokes? I had dem rolled in my sleeve earlier."


THE FINISHED PRODUCT




Bonus Pic for the Cheech Crowd!

John Brewer?!